Warning…this post is slightly gross and creepy and crawley. Proceed at your own risk.
Spring is my favorite time of year. The flowers bloom, the little birds all a twitter, the warm fresh smell of our garden as we ready it for planting. And the warm weather. Here in the South, we have beautiful, warm spring weather for about 15 minutes before it turns to sweltering heat…and then the creepy things come out.
Every year, I get so wrapped up in delight at all the newness and beauty of spring, that I can almost convince myself that the world is not a fallen place. And then I get a wake up call.
Today was that wake up call.
First, there was this in my sink. Let’s take a closer look:
Apparently, my drain is connected directly to hell. (Now switching to children’s book illustrations because this just made me sqeemish.)
Next, a giant cockroach skittered out from under the pinestraw in my garden. OK. As long as they stay outside.
(The part of a giant cockroach will be played by a big beetle. Which is slightly less gross.)
Then, this morning, my baby girl is delightedly squealing “Bug! Bug!”
I turned to discover a hideous tail-less newt. It had a big ugly red head that looked like a snake, and a green scaley body. I squealed, and my toddler took that as a cue and started crying. The two older kids also took it as a cue and flopped down next to it exclaiming “COOL!”
Luckily, it was breathing its last. We were wondering why the cat looked so pekid and was eating grass. Case solved.
Then, this evening when the Weatherman came home, I went out to woggle. It’s my quiet time, where I reflect on the twenty plus pounds that I still have to lose after having this baby, during which I walk/jog/jiggle. It’s good times.
On my way to the track, a baby hawk plucked a bird right out of the sky and landed just on the opposite side of the street and stared at me with its beady red eye. Its dinner still twitching in its talon.
Halfway through the woggle, I decide to cross train. This means that I get to stop jogging and do some push ups, sit ups, squats, and anything else I can think of that doesn’t involve running. So I lay down on a wooden bench to do some sit ups, and my abs just laughed at me. They laughed and laughed, while I laid there feeling like the saggy baggy elephant.
So I did some pathetic bicycles instead. I sat up, planting my feet at the end of the low bench…
only to discover a snake between my feet. A real, live, and very surprised snake.
That’s when I decided that running was a much healthier exercise than sit-ups.
I have never woggled so fast in my life.
I’m staying inside and drinking frappaccinos for the rest of the summer.
Happy Mother’s Day!