I’ve been playing hooky from my blog. All. Summer. Long.
I’d love to say that I had writer’s block. But that’s not true. I’ve actually been writing, and have started several posts.
The truth is, I was emotionally and glandularly worn out. My adrenals were not coping well with everyday life. Which is a mix of 4 very active kids,
keeping up digging my house out of the pit I had allowed it to slide into, cooking, homeschooling, shopping, menu planning, taking care of my family’s health needs, etc. You probably know this. You may live a life that is similar. Even a great life can be a stressful life.
At first, I was fired up about getting it all back in line, blog included. I would devote my summer to producing impressive chore charts, digging into the bowels of the basement and releasing lots and lots of junk, developing recipes and writing posts, and sometimes just sitting around the pool with friends watching the kids play. I would strive to get back into balance. I bought a beginner ‘big girl’ camera, and have started trying to learn how to use it. I had plans!
<This is what happens when I INSIST that he puts his underwear on. Oy…this kid is my VIKING! And I love him to pieces!>
Not Just Writers Block
But somewhere along the way, I started noticing that I was losing the string that strung my thoughts together. Words would fly away from my mind, and I’d stammer, embarrassingly…”what is this called?”
“It’s ground beef, Mom.”
Maybe if I stop putting pressure on myself to blog…if I just dive back into living this life of mine, maybe things will even out. Maybe? “Some of that is normal,” I kept telling myself.
Turns out, not so much. I could hold things together, but emotionally I was like a raw nerve, and my brain was just not cooperating. I felt like I was losing my marbles. I finally decided to do something about it.
Boy did I struggle with this decision! The thing that made me pull the trigger on getting some help was this: my hands would forget where the keys were on the keyboard. That’s not a memory issue. That’s reflex. I’m old enough to have taken *typing* class in high school. Back when you learned on typewriters. We had the state of the art digital typewriters too! So it’s not like I’ve just picked up keyboarding last week.
I asked around and called an alternative Dr. And a lot of my summer has been doling out supplements, and mixing up various (and not so appealing) smoothies.
If you’ve hung out here much, you know that I am a big nerd, and LOVE to research medical stuff. But when the old brain is not firing on all cylinders, it’s not a time to start shooting in the dark. Plus, shooting in the dark is sort of expensive. And not always effective.
I really wrestled with the idea of getting help. Not so much because I don’t trust the guy I’m seeing. He’s really great! It’s because I struggle with being “the Mom”…the one who takes the slightly burned chicken off the grill. The one who makes sure that everyone else has what they need, and if there is anything left over, it gets squirreled away “just in case”. I am frugal to a fault. I’m independent, and don’t want to be a burden to my family now or ever.
But I decided that I am at a point with my health (and having just crossed the bridge into my 40’s 6 months ago) that I didn’t want to just roll over and accept a brain that is failing. I want to fight to be the best Mama and wife I can be, for years into the future.
So. That’s where I’ve been.
<and fixing self-done haircuts like this beauty>
Based on my labs, I have stage 2 adrenal insufficiency. I would love to blog more on that, because if you’ve ever looked into it, there is a school of though that considers it a “made up diagnosis”. I have a few choice words for those who preach this…if I can just remember them. And speaking of blogging…
Me and Blogging
I apologize for not saying something sooner. I didn’t want to say goodbye. Because I just flatly refuse to. I love to blog. I’m keeping on with creating recipes and posts whenever I’m inspired to do so. But adding blogging as a “MUST DO” activity had to take a back seat. And I’m still slogging through the photography learning curve. (So enjoy the smattering of phone pics in today’s post!) But after hooking arms with some blogging friends, I think I’m ready to start enjoying blogging again.
I sort of need this. It’s therapeutic for me, and it’s a place to come when I need to connect with others outside of my life bubble. It’s a place to ask for prayer and help and ideas. It’s where I work out my ideas and thoughts, and launch them out into a bigger pond.
And I just really like you guys.
How About You?
And I know many of you ‘get’ this. I know that many of you are fighting back too…working toward being well. I know because you write to me and tell me, and ask me questions. Most of the time, I don’t have answers. I wish I did. But I’m right here with you, and I’m still healing, learning, and searching as well.
Do you ever want to cut corners on your own health care? At what point would you consider seeing someone (that you respect) to help you heal? If so, are you happy that you did so?